Are You a People Pleaser? How It Affects Your Mental Health and What You Can Do

Have you ever found yourself saying “yes” when you really wanted to say “no”? Do you often put others’ needs ahead of your own, even when it leaves you feeling drained or resentful? If so, you might be a people pleaser-and you’re definitely not alone.

What Does It Mean to Be a People Pleaser?

A people pleaser is someone who has a strong desire to make others happy, often at the expense of their own needs, wants, and well-being. While kindness and generosity are wonderful traits, chronic people pleasing goes beyond healthy boundaries. It might look like:

• Agreeing to things you don’t want to do
• Avoiding conflict at all costs
• Apologising excessively
• Feeling responsible for others’ emotions
• Struggling to say “no”

How People Pleasing Affects Your Mental Health

While it might feel good in the moment to help others or avoid conflict, chronic people pleasing can take a serious toll on your mental health:

1. Increased Stress and Anxiety

Constantly worrying about how others perceive you or fearing their disappointment can lead to heightened anxiety and stress.

2. Resentment and Burnout

When you always put others first, your own needs go unmet. Over time, this can lead to resentment, frustration, and emotional exhaustion.

3. Loss of Identity

If you’re always adapting to please others, you may lose sight of your own desires, values, and goals.

4. Low Self-Esteem

People pleasers often tie their self-worth to the approval of others, making them vulnerable to feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt.

Why Do We Become People Pleasers?

People pleasing often stems from childhood experiences, cultural expectations, or a desire to avoid conflict and rejection. Sometimes, it’s a learned survival strategy. If you grew up in an environment where love or approval was conditional, you may have learned to prioritise others’ needs to maintain harmony.

What Can You Do About It?

Breaking the cycle of people pleasing isn’t easy, but it is possible. Here are some actionable steps:

1. Build Self-Awareness

Start by noticing when and why you feel compelled to please others. Journaling or talking with a trusted friend or counsellor can help you identify patterns.

2. Practice Saying “No”

Start small-decline a minor request, and notice how it feels. Remember, saying “no” to others is often saying “yes” to yourself.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. Communicate your limits clearly and kindly, and remember that you have a right to prioritise your own needs.

4. Challenge Negative Beliefs

Notice thoughts like “If I say no, they won’t like me” or “I have to make everyone happy.” Challenge these beliefs and remind yourself that your worth is not dependent on others’ approval.

5. Prioritise Self-Care

Make time for activities that nourish you – whether that’s reading, exercising, or simply relaxing. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.

6. Seek Support

If people pleasing feels deeply ingrained, consider seeking support from a counsellor. They can help you explore the roots of your behaviour and develop healthier patterns.

Final Thoughts

Being kind and helpful is wonderful, but not when it comes at the cost of your own well-being. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. By learning to set boundaries and prioritise your own needs, you’ll not only improve your mental health but also foster more genuine, balanced relationships.